Where Does Time Go?

                               


                    Randomly had this thought last night it's been almost 14 years since I graduated as a 17-year-old kid trying to figure out life after high school. It got me thinking just how fast life has gone by already. It seems if you blink years just add on. Below is just a quick recap of things that happen over the years and how quickly it goes by. So many people come in and out of your life who I could tell stories about. One day maybe I'll write a book about all these memories I have. For today it's just about me growing up.

**Grammar and complete sentences are not something I was going for here but wanted just throw thoughts on paper**

***All my friends shaped me through the years, but I won't name names but I do want to break that down in a separate section. Everyone I grew up playing baseball with those was the days. Baseball gave me so many memories and met the coolest people. One person who I don't hardly talk to anymore but he was by far my best friend during those days. Became friends with one of my best friends in Spanish class and still friends to this day. After senior year started hanging out and playing basketball with a group that probably was about 7-8 people altogether. All those guys I would do anything for today even the ones I don't talk to anymore because they really made me who I am. Another guy  I partied with and went on adventures all the time the stories we tell are endless. Another guy who got me into golf and softball again who is the total opposite of me but definitely one of the best guys I know. To all the girls who I used to be friends with because I liked to flirt in my younger days, I appreciate them and have plenty of stories and memories. ***


18 years ago - I was finishing middle school and getting ready for high school. Met a girl who changed my views on life and kind of showed me the darker side of life. Had my first real kiss and the first girl I thought I was in love with. This girl really changed the way that I look at life because before her life seemed simple you just live as a kid and I guess in ways she made me realize you grow up and when you do it starts changing and it isn't always simple anymore. Also got a small grasp on cheating at that age, but I didn't seem to learn from it but I realized it is something that can change relationships and friendships.

17 years ago - I was finishing my freshman year of high school going into sophomore year. During this year I met the girl I would date through high school into my freshman year of college and had sex for the first time. Sophomore year for me was expect the unexpected. Met a girl at the campground who I got interested in but funny enough it was her friend that changed me and built character in me over the years.

16 years ago - Finishing sophomore year going into junior year. Had my first taste of alcohol during this time. Met one of my best friends. Had a typical high school relationship with ups and downs and drama but we kept sticking it out making it work. At times it wasn't healthy for either one of us but at the end of the day we had ugly times but we had the good times.

15 years ago - Finishing junior year going into senior year. At this time was really the last time I enjoyed baseball and was working hard to achieve the goal of going to college. Went to state in Norfolk over that summer and then the passion seemed to decline.  During my senior year, I proposed to my girlfriend. Was into at least 3 or 4 other girls which all had their appeal. Quit high school baseball during my senior year. Got a scholarship to King for academics and baseball. Started hanging out with another friend who would become one of my best friends.

14 years ago - I graduated high school and started at King. Quit the baseball team after one meeting, tried out for the basketball team, and made it but quit before I started. Went on my first cruise to Alaska. Had my girlfriend cheat on me and break up with me which at the time didn't make sense but looking back on it as much as I enjoyed her which was 3 years worth it wasn't healthy and it worked out for her in the end but the memories are still there. As with all my breakups, I didn't seem to handle it the best, but luckily a few weeks later went on my first date. After that a couple months later I met someone who changed my life and made me a better person. The story of her is a unique one but ultimately I can say I loved her. It didn't last long but she was one of the biggest keys to figuring out my life and what I wanted. She might not know it and no one else probably does but the impact she had on me I will forever be thankful and grateful for meeting her. Fireflies or lightning bugs kind of conversations. Skipped classes to go see her so eventually dropped out of King. Started hanging out with another one of my lifelong friends. Started partying with 3 of the best people I know.

13 years ago - Decided to go to community college the following year. Lasted about a semester and I was done. Started what was my first real job at Fazolis, I did work at Mcdonalds for about 2 weeks when I was a junior but I wouldn't count that. Fazolis had so many memories with so many people through the 5 years. The GM was my go-to for anything I needed to talk about inside or outside of work. She kind of guided me to the right answers and I couldn't be more thankful to have met her. I met so many people through this job and have plenty of stories good and bad from it. Started dating a girl who I didn't really deserve who was too good for who I was at the time. We dated about 2 years but as undervalued as she was, she was appreciated and led to building my character over time. This was my second long relationship and treated it pretty much the same as before so I didn't seem to learn anything, but with that said we had a lot of good times. Met my future wife who I knew I was going marry the day I saw her it just took a couple years after to actually start dating.

12 years ago - Pretty much the same routine of life - work, sex, and fighting with my girlfriend and going to Fazolis to hang out even on days off. Getting kicked out of hotels. Living life but not managing to better myself.

11 years ago - Started dating my first wife, proposed to her, and moved in with her which was the first time I moved out of my parent's house. All that happen between April to August and I don't regret it now and at the time it was the way I wanted it to happen. I would have probably done the same thing if it was two years before that she gave me a chance but it took her a few years to come around to dating. Moving out and living with someone is an experience though especially living with her and a roommate. From living with your parents for 21 years that first leap into what I would consider adulthood is different. Started playing weekend softball for the first time. Life appeared to be great at this point

10 years ago - Had one of the biggest fights with my girlfriend which looking back on it probably should have decided where this was headed but instead we got married. Moved into a house and basically played beer pong and partied quite often. Got a dog who was my best friend for 9 years. After living together marriage is the easy part, passing out in your wedding and needing to sit down was the hard part but getting married is easy after already living together. Went on my second cruise and went to a Braves game during this year.

9 years ago - Started school back. played organized basketball for the first time since I was a kid and met some great people the three years I played. We won maybe a total of 3 games over 3 years but one of the best times I had. Should have probably walked away from my marriage when cheating allegations came up about her and the fact that I was shown real worth by someone I worked with. I never cheated on my wife and I would have never because I was committed and learned from my past. I was all in on this one but with that said and looking back on the circumstances of life today everything seems to work out for a reason but if I was ever going to cheat it would have been with this girl. If she would have still been available after my marriage, she would have been my first phone call but sometimes it works out differently. With that said I think she tested me, with all the cheating allegations in my marriage by my wife which I never waivered and always believed the opposite until the end I believe she was the test of my loyalty and I stayed loyal might have gone back a forth across the line but stayed in the road.

8 years ago - Same story different year got to travel and go snowboarding and other trips. The marriage was about the same.

7 years ago - My wife cheated on me and I woke up one day and my job wasn't there anymore. They closed Fazolis down which was a good 5 years of my life. I was unemployed for roughly 6 months and worked at Hardee's for a couple months. By December I worked at one of the best jobs I could have dreamed of. Only an intern/part-time job that I worked close to 4 years at but the friends I made and the stuff I learned especially from one of the Engineers was the best thing that happened to me. I found out depression and anxiety were real things during this year. I have always had social anxiety but I started to have anxiety over all kinds of stuff even to this day after my marriage ended. Not sure if it is linked but this is when it started. Don't get me wrong though my marriage was rough, it isn't something I regret at all. I was in love with her, unlike any love I had experienced before this. She was different and it felt different than anyone before her. I got to go on trips and do stuff that I wouldn't have got to do so although the marriage didn't work out it wasn't anything I regret but it was one of the toughest things I have ever been through. The divorce broke me but I built myself back up over time.

6 years ago- I finished college with two associates degrees. I had my first and only one night stand and used dating sites for the first time. Dating sites were crazy. Met a girl one time after talking to her for an hour and she wanted to meet up for a movie and snacks in a hotel room after that I was good on those. Met and started dating my wife. It was rough starting out because I was still trying to get over the marriage and cheating but we came out the other side of the rough times to where we are today.

5 years ago - Divorce finalized, went to Disney World

4 years ago - Got married

3 years ago -  Started a new job. Took interest in social media and hiking. Started my own website and few other ventures. Wrote a couple books. Went on a cruise to Cozumel and Costa Maya.

2 years ago - Went to my first wrestling event. bought my first toolset. Took adventure to Waynesville, Bryson City, Cherokee, and that area in NC. Went to New Orleans and cruised to Cayman Islands, Jamaica, and Cozumel. Watched the first NFL game live in New Orleans. Went to Mount Airy to see Mayberry for the first time. Bought my first gun. Went to Biloxi Mississippi to the casino and a cruise to Cozumel and Yucatan. Swam with dolphins. Ate rolled icecream.

1 year ago - Went to Louisville Kentucky and went to the horse races. Played a lot of softball. Went to Charlotte NC and played Top Golf. Started playing golf. First injury by pulling my calf muscle which took months to heal. Cruise to Cozumel. Went to Daytona Beach and Disney World. My dog died which was a hard loss and still miss having him around. My dad had heart surgery. Went on a cruise to Grand Turk and Amber Cove. First time ziplining.


It seems to go by fast but the memories you make are the best part. Better live now though because one day you'll wake up and not know where the time went and what you have done in your life. I hope to make it to an age one day where I can say I got the most of my life and that I continue to have and make memories. Feels like one day I woke up 17 about to graduate and the next I am going on 32 reflecting on the life I lived and the person I grew into. By no means am I perfect, but looking back I feel like I have grown over time into a better man each year and took something from each year of my life to get to who I am today, and maybe I can keep improving the older I get. With that said maybe I can keep living and enjoying this life because this life goes by quickly and we don't know when the last day is but live it and enjoy it. Make memories and go on adventures because one day somebody might want to hear your stories so make sure you have some to tell.

Social Media

The fantasy world of social media has become an interesting place to venture into. What seems to start out as a way to keep up with people you know has actually evolved into much more than that. It is almost a fantasy world in the sense that we sometimes evolve into a different personality through the internet. Social media has its benefits which for me include keeping up with the sports world, keeping up with people I know, selling things, seeing cool interesting images of the world, and learning about and enjoying the differences in all people. The downside is that we are unfiltered about what we say and who we say it about. The reality is we can take on any personality because we don't have to be that person in real life and we have screens to hide behind. We can be critical and negative of whoever and whenever we want to which doesn't happen on a daily basis for most people when not behind a screen to protect themselves.  Sometimes it is interesting to see a person on social media and how they act and what they do and then see them interact face to face in public. Sometimes the differences are astronomical and I find myself wondering what causes the difference. Is there an evil inside that we need to feed to balance out who are on a normal basis? or Are some of us just evil at heart and can't live that life because of the consequences it would present? Anybody that is well known or in the spotlight for example athletes, entertainers, politicians, and more have it rough. Obviously, they make millions and have power and authority but they are greatly scrutinized to the point where it could mentally break people. The interesting thing is that they get scrutinized on false premises which originated from the same world they are getting scrutinized. It's not just public personalities but anybody who says the wrong things. We tend to overlook factual evidence when we give our opinions which downgrade and put people down. In reality, opinions are good but a lot of times they can be proven incorrect based on facts or evidence which makes this fantasy world of social media sometimes hard to deal with. Because seeing people thrown under the bus and unjustly put down is wrong no matter if it is human interaction or a keyboard thug. The moral of this article for me is that no matter public personalities or common people we all can get mentally scarred from false narratives and untrue opinions which is bad in public but worse when able to hide behind the screen because we gain more confidence. Be good, do good, be nice, and encourage the best in the world and don't bring out the worst in the world.

Photography 4/26/18

Photography 3/23/18

Photography - 12/21/17

Life.......

Life is a very precious thing because no matter if you're older like my grandma passing away or nonsense acts of terrorism that happened at the church in Texas we don't control if we live or die. The reality is we have to live life the best we can while we are here and able to. With the recent passing and just everything going on in the world, I thought this would be a good time to share some thoughts that meant a lot to me. Life has ups and downs and we continue riding the roller coaster until the end but I want people who have made a difference in my life to know that they have made difference to me in my 29 years. Some of these people won't even read this and some will not know they made a difference to me but that is the reasoning for writing this. We have no set amount of time in this life so take advantage of what you do have and appreciate the people that come and go....

To my mamaw....The memories don't fade even if your relationship with someone does. The sweetest kindest woman at least to her grandkids that you will ever meet. During the holidays she would cook and do everything she could to make sure you had enough food. The special thing is she never let you leave without a hug and a kiss. She was a woman who loved to have yard sales and I was on board with her even though we would sit and not sell anything. I remember growing up and going to mamaw's house and spending nights mostly during the holidays. I remember going to the flea market to visit her and eating biscuits and gravy. This could be the reason I enjoy yard sales and flea markets but I remember those times like they were yesterday. Mamaw's potato salad and banana pudding were the greatest in the world, but trust me I'll attempt to make it like her but it will never be the same. She passes the old traditions on to us so we can make new ones and that is what we will do. Thank you for everything, you will be missed by many but never forgotten.

To my papaw.... The man who loves to work and loves to farm. We aren't very close but the fact that your work ethic is so high is amazing. I don't forget the holidays when we get to see you and spend the little time we do with you but I always remember no matter what you gave us money for Christmas. I remember working in the hay fields with you during the summers as my dad yelled at me because I was doing a bad job.Remember watching bulls get their balls cut and fed to the dog. It's the little things that stick in a memory that gets created for a lifetime. I remember so much about being on the farm and little random things like that one.

To my parents.... Not much I can say about them but they are the greatest parents anyone could ask for. We have obviously had some ups and downs because of some decisions I have made in life but that happens especially through the teenage years. They taught me everything I know and gave me everything I needed growing up. We don't have the bond of hugging and saying I love you but that isn't who I am but they know I appreciate everything they do for me. I can't tell stories about them because we have had so many and got to do so many incredible things. Every year we got to go on vacation and enjoy something new and fun. It is funny growing up you just want to live your life and don't care about anything in the world especially the opinions of your parents but as you grow you want them to be proud of who you become so that they know they did a great job raising you. I hope they are proud of who I have become even with the flaws I have and I hope to continue to improve to be as good as they are. Some people don't get the opportunity to have two parents in their life but I did and I am very grateful for having my parents. They taught me many things in life, way to many to go through in one blog post but each little thing is instilled into my memory.

To my sister and brother-in-law..... I feel like as kids the age difference was a big deal because we seem to fight every second of every day from what I remember. The older we get the relationships seem to grow much closer. I remember driving her car to prom and to meet some girl an hour away. We have been to Alaska, snow tubing, Disney World, and many other adventures that make life fun. From sleeping on the floor in their room to now playing rook or camping we have a wonderful relationship. The older I get the more I appreciate all the stuff they have done for me and now that they have kids makes it even better considering I am still a kid at heart.

To my cousin.... The man who I idolized as a kid. We got into so many different hobbies and done so many random things which included paintball, backyard paintball with a motorcycle helmet and goggles, golf, scooter, basketball, trampoline football, video games which included halo and NFL 2K, destroying his flying plane, and plenty more. I was always over there hanging out even with a 5 year age difference he was my best friend growing up. The reason I got into the IT field was because of him and what he was doing. I didn't quite make it as far school wise but it isn't completely out of the question that I get there one day. I definitely can't complain about my childhood the memories are pretty endless.

To my Friends....Vinnie kept me sane when I went through my divorce and was depressed. We play video games like it is going out of style. You haven't enjoyed life until you have a bottle a whiskey and NBA 2k.  LJ and Kayla were like brother and sister to me. I was over there constantly after we graduated which grew our relationship. I remember the birth of their daughter like it was yesterday. No matter the distance we will be friends and ball again one day. Bobby is the guy that if I am going start a crazy story there is good chance he is going be involved in it. We never had dull moments and made the most of life. Lunsford was a guy who I could always count on and probably still can. We have grown apart, but growing up playing baseball we had each other's backs. Plenty more of you I crossed paths with and I have plenty of stories about. People who made a difference in my life or I crossed path with is such a long list that not many people are listed here but if I came in contact with you I probably have a good story about it.

To my Fazoli's girl...  The biggest thing here is that she made me realize that my marriage was bad and that I should be treated better. The reality is I didn't do anything about it at all but wait until I got cheated on. At a different time in our life, you never know but I do know my breakfast from pals was always good. The thing is I had already heard that my wife was cheating and I had an opportunity to cheat and yet I remained faithful which may look like a mistake now but I remained loyal to a fault. Something about her gave me this feeling when my marriage was crumbling, that someone as great as her would eventually be in my life if not her at another time. Life is scary when you come to realization that someone else is better for you then who you are married to. We were just friends and nothing more but after my my divorce I had some regrets about not taking advantage of the opportunity.  Life gives you people that you remember even if they don't because they change your life in ways you weren't expecting and occasionally mean more then anyone would realize.

To my Fazoli's and GM... We kept each other sane in sometimes a not so sane environment. Fazoli's gave me a lifetime of memories which is crazy to think about but I was there for roughly 5 years of my life. The GM who hired me eventually became more like a friend to me and we had what seemed like life heart to heart all the time. Fazolis was a different kind of place with so many personalities that came through there. I met so many people that have impacted my life even if it wasn't to a great extent and even met my ex-wife there.  It started out as a job because I had to have one but eventually it became more than that and help develop who I am as a person. The GM was one of the best if not the best person I have ever met. We bonded over baseball, to begin with, and she helped me during my marriage and after my marriage. She kept life in perspective for me and I feel like we helped each other through some troubling times along the way.

To my exes.... Girl 1 was this high school sweetheart which makes sense that we fought often. We had some adventures and she was there through high school pretty much for 3 years. She showed me how you love even though I was the worst person at it. I was in it just to have it and it wasn't all bad but it wasn't healthy for either of us. At that time though I proposed and would have bet money on marrying her. When you look back at it now we enjoyed the time we had together but we weren't perfect. Even with realization back then we shouldn't be together I realized that I don't handle breakups well. Breakups after years of being with  someone were always so disappointing because it always felt like in the big picture it was a waste of time. Girl 2 was the middle woman between another long relationship, but she may have had the biggest impact of all the exes. Something kept me interested in her no matter where we were in life.  Girl 3 was the girl that I had fun with. We spent around 2 years together and I was maybe the biggest asshole you will ever meet. We had a lot of fun together but that is how I treated it was fun and not a serious relationship. We learn things about ourselves and I realized in that relationship and especially after it that if I wanted to make something work I had to give effort. I had to be all in and not partially in.

To my ex-wife.... The one person who made me eventually grow up and realize my potential. We had what I would consider a rocky relationship that included cheating allegations, cheating rumors, yelling, and a lot of other negatives. With all the negatives were some positive and a lot of different things that I got to enjoy in life. It was almost a test drive to what I don't want in a wife or relationship. The tough times were super tough but on the flip side, the great times were great just not as many. It took me forever to come to peace with the way things happened and I learned a lot about depression and myself during it. On the flip side, I have never seen someone and fell head over heels which led to me chasing her for over a year or two and finally being successful. The best part was it taught me who not to be in a marriage and not accept being ridiculed for everything I do. In the end, it led me to where I am at today so I can't complain about it to much. As an added bonus her family was some of the nicest people and always treated me as part of the family. As far as the divorce and breakup, it was the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with. It isn't that I was happy but I view marriage as this adventure with another person until one of you passes away. The divorce rate is very high but it seems like any problem you have can be fixed. The reality is I wasn't myself and lost my mind for a few months after the split up which made me realize that is not the person I want to be anymore.

To my wife..... The rock in my life who drives me insane and keeps me sane at the same time. The woman who I get to fuss with everyday about random stuff. I am the biggest pain in the ass to deal with at times and she is amazing at that. I wake up every morning knowing that I am a lucky man and that the rest of my life I get to spend with a wonderful woman. We had a rocky relationship with dating and a lot of it was an issue of me getting over my ex. I have an anxiety issue that has kept me from enjoying my life to the fullest which also caused us some issues early on. I remember when I first met her I was very interested in her. We had a couple breakups which at the time I wasn't sure if I was okay with them or not. I kept in touch with her after the first one because I wasn't happy with life, but I also wasn't sure what I wanted in life. Eventually, we got back together and it was the same ole story even though I was happy I never fully committed myself. We broke up again and I finally came to the realization that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I'd fight to get that. I proposed when we weren't even together because I was so sure that is what I wanted. We bought a house shortly after and got married. The life I live now is not perfect but I can't see myself spending my life with anyone else. The reality is it took some missteps in judgment by me to keep screwing up to get to this point in my life.We have created something special that we continue to work hard at. It isn't always easy but it isn't supposed to be.

I have come in contact and met a lot of people throughout my life that I can share stories for days. There are plenty more that if you know me you know your included in my memories and life. The feeling that people can leave this world not knowing what you meant to them is the reason I felt like writing this. I'm 29 years old and it seems like life is starting to speed up and people are starting to either pass away or just enter a new stage of life where we grow apart from people who meant something in our lives. I appreciate so many people from my past and my present and hope to have 30 more years of memories. It depends on a lot of different factors if we live to be old and it's not always on us. The world seems to be getting darker every day and violence is starting to take over. Life is scary at times because we don't know when we will pass away from whatever may take us but having come to the realization that I need to make the most of my time here makes the people and adventures around me even more special. Thank you to the people in my life for helping me make the most of it and for letting me have the memories to look back on.

Photography - 11/13/17

We the People of the United States

       

The reality is that the United States of America will never be "united". The sad truth is that we have so much division within our nation that our president along with ourselves would rather create it then solve it. Have we not noticed this is slightly proving why people started taking the knee in the first place on a small scale and only a little bit of it. The point is we are divided if it is not between races it is something like the standing of the flag. I have never thought twice about it and have always stood, but in reality, I have never been strong enough to protest an injustice. The flag represents many things to many different people, but by saying we disrespect the country and flag because we decide to kneel is asinine. In everyday life, the flag is disrespected more than it is by taking a knee. The reality is they are still out there and they still see the flag and hear the National Anthem playing. We silently protest without rioting and without causing any issues. The flag is disrespected daily by wearing it to putting it on items we throw in the trash to have used it in different ways that the flag wasn't meant to be used. I see many posts on social media that discuss standing or not standing for the flag, but do you care why they felt the need to protest? I can't explain what it is like to feel like and be a minority or be a different race in America because I was born white. The thing is I have seen racism and we see it all the time. Doesn't matter your color, racism exists between every color but when white people of authority use improper violence against unarmed black men it becomes a problem. The fight against racism is a never-ending battle. The fact is I will battle against it because I will never understand judging anyone based color. I can't personally assume who you are just by what skin color you are. For this reason is why I was never a supporter of Trump because I can't stand by a racist and sexist. What President disrespects a group of men taking a knee for a purpose by calling them a "son of a bitch." We are all equal until the point we make ourselves unequal by committing crimes or doing wrong but that isn't a race issue that is a moral issue. Life is short and the world is crazy, but just like everyone America has flaws but this is the country we live in and this is the best country in the world. We as Americans just need more love in our hearts to realize our full potential as a nation.



This is the final part which came about because of the recent Las Vegas shooting which is still getting a total death and injured count at the time of this writing. My heart absolutely breaks with so much violence in the world. Life is such a precious thing, we don't know when we might run out of time and I'm trying to take every moment I can to live my life to the fullest. I have never had that much hate toward a person or group that killing was the answer. I have been angry enough to fight someone a few times but that is the extent of how far I would take it. The thought of ever killing anybody other than in self-defense or war is something I will never understand.  As I grow older America as great as it seems to have gotten thin-skinned, more violent and crazier. People aren't meant to all get along that's why we have personalities and individual traits that make us who we are, but with that said killing isn't the way to show dislike. The world is a scarier place right now then I have ever seen it. I suggest to everyone to make the most of the opportunity that you have to live in America and to be alive at all. We need to fight for change to protect the lives of any individual in this country no matter what color, religion or any thing else. It's time to become one as a nation in order to help stop nonsense like the events in Las Vegas. My prayers to the families affected and to the individuals who witnessed the brutality of the event. 

Photography - 10/5/17

Photography - 9/25/17