Thursday, June 16, 2022

A Different Kind Of Father's Day

     It'll be 9 months on June 18th since he passed away. He fought to be here and to be with us. Every year his birthday fell around fathers day which we got to celebrate both. It was usually just simple cookout and gifts but it was the routine of how we did things. It's not going be the same without you here. For 9 months, it feels like at times a struggle to get motivation in life and missing the ability to call, text, or come visit you. For most of the 8 months, I have kept trying to stay extremely busy to keep my mind off everything. In the last couple weeks I have slowed down and the closer it gets to fathers day my mind just has overworked itself thinking about everything in life. I think we all handle emotions, death, feelings, and life differently, but for me it's not talking about it. I want to live my life moving forward, and hate to talk about the bad things in life. The biggest thing about this year is it'll be my first Father's Day as a father and the first without mine. The worst part of it is my dad would have loved to see this little boy. Little Jim would have loved to have a popsicle already. The hardest part about this is that I seen how he was with my nephews growing up and it is hard knowing my son won't get those same experiences. I'm going to try to be the best father I can be and I hope to let him know all about you as he grows up. All I can tell him is the memories of pappy and all the things so he knows the kind of man his pappy was. I know though he is going to miss out on being spoiled, eating sweets, staying the night, the pappy farm life, animals, love, fishing, stories, and always wanting to spend time with him. As much as I miss my dad, I miss the experience that my son would have got with his grandpa. Even though I don't go the grave everyday or talk about him everyday, I always think about him and hope that I am making him proud by the man I have become. It wasn't always smooth between us, but the older we got the better it got. I was a hard headed kid who had to go through periods of selfishness to get to who I am now. The man I am now hopefully is a good man in the eyes of others but I know that I try to be a good man. I struggle with things on daily basis because at times I don't know if I am a good enough person or if  I should be doing everything different. I'm not a perfect man and sure neither was my dad but the values he taught me years ago seem to have stuck with me. 

My dad taught me:

  •  as a young kid never to say never
  • that can't never could
  • to never quit
  • say Yes Mam and No Sir
  • that we hate people who steal
  • give people respect who deserve respect
  • help people who try to help themselves
  • to take at least one vacation a year especially when you have kids
  • not to work yourself to death unlike him who worked all the time especially when I was a kid
  • hard work especially when it came to playing sports and working hard 
  • and much more abilities and hobbies in my life....
            This fathers day is kind of a new chapter in the book but to continue and to finish the book you have to remember the previous chapters and continue to grow the story. 

No comments:

Post a Comment